Love That Appeals and Doesn’t Force
Paul wrote this to Philemon: “Although in Christ I could be bold and order you to do what you ought to do, yet I prefer to appeal to you on the basis of love.” (Philemon 1:8–9 NIV11)
He’s saying I’m fully within my rights to demand this from you. But I’m not gonna do that. I’m going to appeal to you in love.
This is servant-leadership. This is grace-filled, powerful, Christian leadership. Instead of demanding, Paul appeals gently in love.
In fact, he is so intent on this that he says it again a few verses later: “I would have liked to keep him with me so that he could take your place in helping me while I am in chains for the gospel. But I did not want to do anything without your consent, so that any favour you do would not seem forced but would be voluntary.” (Philemon 1:13–14 NIV)
Notice that? Paul says I don’t want to force you to do anything without your consent, it must be voluntary.
Love cannot be forced. Love is not love if there is no consent. Love appeals gently and respectfully but it doesn’t force anybody to do anything.
Faith Cannot Coerce
Perhaps the saddest part of the Christian church’s history is the crusades. This was a time, in the 11th and 12th centuries, when the church was worried about the increasing influence of the Muslims in Europe. And so the Pope encouraged the Christians of the time to take up arms and attack Muslims to bring Christianity back to Europe. Armies were organised to go and fight and kill those who were not Christians.
Awful. Where on earth in Jesus, or Peter and Paul and the early church, in that idea? You cannot force Christianity on the world and kill those who don’t agree! Jesus instead said we should shake the dust from our feet and leave towns that don’t want to hear our message.
Later, the church got it wrong again with their sending out of missionaries to rural areas. Some of those missionaries would force people to believe, and if they didn’t believe they would be killed.
Paul could have forced Philemon to do the right thing. And Philemon would have resented him for it. And resented Onesimus for it. And probably resented God for it. And there’s nothing uglier than a person serving God bitterly.
Serving with Joy
I’ll say that again: there’s nothing uglier than a person serving God with bitterness and resentment in their heart. When they don’t really want to do it, but they feel forced to do it.
I want to see my church filled with people who serve God joyfully and peacefully – not bitterly, because they feel they’ve been forced.
Let’s appeal to people on the basis of love, not forcing anybody into our church or into the faith but being people who never force anything on others.
That’s how Paul did it. That’s how he loved.
